Our Literacy focus over the next couple of weeks is discursive writing.
As part of our ‘Talk for Writing’, we have been debating several different issues in class, putting forward our own points of view and reasoning as to why we are ‘for’ or ‘against’ something.
We read ‘It’s a Book’ by Lane Smith and began a debate on whether ‘Books have had their day?’ – What do you think? Do you think books still have a place in today’s society? Or should they be replaced by Kindles and eBooks?
Pupils, parents and teachers – Let us know what you think!
Mrs Eaton, Mrs Bentley and Mrs Turner
Underneath me lay a broken, twisted stone path that appeared never ending. I stood in awe glaring at it. Goosebumps ran up my arms and a chill ran down my back. Shadows lingered around the path changing their positions every time I moved! A ramshackle, hostile hotel stood with great difficulty, before me. Bare, lifeless trees gathered around the hotel, twisting and turning their branches around each other. Rocks crumbled, ready to drop to the ground, unable to hang on another second! Bright lightning flickered and flashed in the distance , thunder rumbled and echoed time and time again. Thick, grey clouds loomed over it, over shadowing the hotel’s uglyness! Orange lights in every window flashed and glowed like fire flies in the sunset. Where on earth was I ? What was this place ?
Amy this is a fantastic piece of writing. I didn’t need to see the picture because you created the image for me. Very well done.
Mr Cowen
Wow Amy! I dont know how im going to get as far as you have you have done great! I hope I can get where you are or as close as you are! wow!
Thanks saira , I liked your comment , I hope to read your’s and say exactly the same about it!
WOW Amy that was fantastic it made want to read on !! It made me feel like I was reading a real book
I hope to say the same about yours Jessica Thanks for your commment!
Thanks for the commment Jess , I hope to say the same about yours
That was amazing amy I loved the part where it says about the chills and goosebumps.;)
That was my favourite part about it to Bethan , thankyou for your comment
!
Thankyou for your comment Bethan I may say the same!
Wow this is brilliant i cant wait for the next one u do
Thankyou for the commment I hope to say the same about yours !!
thankyou for your comment I hope to reply to yours soon !!
I can see how much time you have spent over each sentence making sure that it is crammed full of description to enhance the mood.
I agree with Miss Witherow about the sentence openers but I still loved it. I’m also delighted with the effort that you put into all aspects of your school life. You are getting the rewards your efforts deserve.
wow amy this is fantastic well better than fantastic im stunned its incredible i love it
Amy – this is really fantastic writing. I like the way that you create such a mysterious and quite scary atmosphere with your setting. The only improvement I would want to see is not to start every sentence with a noun, clause. You have started with a preposition “underneath” then each time after that with the thing you are describing such as “Shadows lingered” “Bare lifeless trees” etc. This is really effective but not if you do it all the time. Just remember to vary sentence openers a bit more and you will fly!!!!! Absolutely brilliant. Mrs Eaton said she was proud of you and I am too – and well done for being first and not just first – setting the standard. Sticker for you tomorrow!
Miss Witherow
Trees twisted and turned as arthritis took over. Thunder roared with fury as the bleak clouds invaded the sky. Groups of houses clustered among the ground, overshadowed by the evil palace. Faces, contorted in pain, were carved into the crumbling walls. On one side of the house a sculpture laid, claws dug into the stone cold wall. Pebble stones had ground into dark earth below. Beyond the mist of fog, a mass of Rocky Mountains clattered up into the thin air. Malevolent lights came from the house, but it seemed this was the only light in this truly gloomy land.
wow hannah. Brill! I love the first part! Well done! wow!
Well Hannah – it really was a gloomy land! I love this setting although I would not like to visit as I wouldn’t like those faces in the rocks. Great writing from you – keep it up – well done.
Miss Witherow
Magnificent word choice crafted into brilliant sentences all combining to paint a horrific image!!
‘Malevolent’, ‘claws dug into the cold stone wall’ ‘beyond the mist of fog’-these are perhaps my favourites in a long line of favourites!!
Wow Amy, I was incredibly impressed by your writing! You had me gripped from the very first sentence – you created a very tense atmosphere and the scene really came to life with your clever use of personification. Brilliant!!!
Amy, you’ve done a fabulous job of bringing the setting to life. It really makes me want to read more and find out what happens in this dreadfully frightening place. I’m dying to know who you are, why you are there and how you are going to get away! Let me know if you write some more as I’d love to read it.
Amy, I’m really impressed with your writing – you obviously thought carefully about your choice of words & phrases. I particularly liked the goosebumps going up & the chill going down – keep writing!
I walked cautiously through the deep, dark mist until a colossal, iron gate loomed above me. The road overlooked a turning twisting road stopped by an eerie castle. The trees surrounding looked like a microscopic car compared to the ancient, stone castle. As I moved closer I began to see the full house which to me looked like a carnival of horrors. There was a stone sculpture of the owner of the hotel who had died a few months ago under mysterious circumstances. The green poison ivy creeped round the jagged edges of the house. There was a loud bang.I ran.
Damien this is excellent! You’ve really risen to the challenge.
Clever aliteration and I love the way you compare the trees to a microscopic car!!
The green poison ivy sentence-I’d be tempted to take this out. As the bang follows the owners death for me.
I walked cautiosly step by step by edging my way ever so closly to the ransack,rundown manor house. To the sides were deadly weeds and pousion ivy shooting up the sharp and jagged sides. As I stepped closer to the house I saw a full blast of the house all that lived were the beatles scurrying around trying to find any warmth or shelter then flicker crash the lightning and thunder roared with rage and anger.Go away littile boy.my heartpounded.I ran away as fast as I could,All the way home
Again more aliteration!! The images are very effective the make the setting seem a very real and threatening place. However my favourite spine chilling bit is…..”Go away little boy”
Last sentence though?
And the sentence starting.. As I stepped closer…. -does it need editing?
I know very picky!!
The wind howeled around the dark,deadly manor.Cats scurry freely around the bare,crooked trees.The crunching of leaves hiting the crumbeling rocks. the manor house loomes over the cobbled stone path running out through the eroded,metal gate.every thing semmed to draw me towards the house.It stood silent to the wind lights flickered from window to window.Bats flew out pack after pack from the top of the building.Thats when I decied to leave through the gate and down the cobbled path.
Usual mix of fantastic images to create the mood Abigail. I think you have your tenses mixed up though. ‘Wind howled’ then everything else is in the present tense. Have a look.
Great word and phrase choice-’eroded,flickered,window to window’ etc etc etc!!!!
I had been walking through the forest then I saw it . The house of doom. I started to creep out. I knew something was wrong. All I could keep my eye on was the leafless trees that kept swaying madly. Up above me the thunder and lightning was rowing like mad and the rain was lashaning like mad.Then I hear a noise but luckly it was only the wind and the owls but the birds were the wirst because they creep around me and i get a realy bad shock. So thats why I need to be very careful but i am fine know.The trees were howling.I tasted fear.
A brilliant opening Alex. It grabs you, demanding that you read on. I’d try to change ‘like mad’ or even just take it out?
The 2 sentences that follow it also need looking at but I really enjoyed it-very welll done.
Was I there or not? Well onley I knew that, and it was yet to be answerd. The darkness of the shadow loomed over me like an erupting valcano spiting out its venom. Shatterd, shreded and smashed, looking at it in awe,I gasped… one step after the other, closer and closer. I began my journey into the mansion… noises crept into my head like neverrending rain dropplets pounding one by one onto the ground. This was not safe! I began to think if this was actually a mansion or not. what was it? squeek! clik! bang! sounds from eevry angle where still creeping into my head. I had found the answer to my mystery… This was not a dream…
Aliteration is first class. You have a real authors voice-you craft images very graphically. ‘never ending oversized rain droplets pounding one by one….?
You often try for the world between reality and dream world and often pull it off.
Well done
Walking on spikes led me to an haunted castle which was sitting in the middle of nowhere.Lifelessness characterized the surroundings of the castle with branches of trees crossing parts and hitting each other. I was stood still as if glued to the ground, terrified as I gaze around the castle with lots of dead ivy forming different shapes of something that looks like the face of a monster, at this point I was wondering if any human being lived here. The stormy wind grew stronger and stronger and the cloud became darker and darker, lightning struck the house but it didn’t seem to move.Beneath the castle was a cliff but this wasn’t leading to a river it was leading to an ancient house which looked like a place where someone evil would live.I began to tremble, where on Earth is this place? How did I get here?
Love the stronger and stronger followed by the darker and darker. Actually Aisha it is all absolutely brilliant!!! If this was the opening to a story then I’d most definately read on. I’d have…. ‘ivy contorted into monsters faces’… so it became the monster.
But I’m being picky-it’s brilliant.
FAB! This is absoulutely amazing , You had me on the edge of me at the begging when you wrote (walking on spikes) you painted the image for me! Great description of the setting , you should be proud of yourself Aisha WELL DONE !
A crumbling path lay before me. Trees molded in to arms reaching out at you like there alive . Leading to a haunted house stranded by mouse holes with pails of bones in them from days ago . It is coved in ancient towers. I can see and touch rain stream line drops splattered onto the roof. Thunder boomed like symbols crashing to gather and lightning struck taken tails of the roof. Shines of light peer out of the windows and cracks in the door. Bats surround the house squeaking at there high pitched sound. I can smell the fog getting near .
They are all FAB! I think everyone has done a great job at describing the setting, I especially like Aisha’s I think they all show true potential!!
It stood in front of me, lightning striking it. What was this place? Black twisting trees, looming in front of the winding path, swayed in the breeze. As they did so the shadows moved in front of my eyes. It looked as if it was a run down mansion, with the chimneys creaking as the terrible wind blew. Sheets of rain lashed against my face, making my cheeks turn rosy red. Thunder roared above me as the clouds turned darker and darker. Where was I? How did I end up here? I felt as if I was alone. But was I?
WOW Bethan this is amazing! You painted the image for me. I liked the part where you said about turning your cheeks rosy red! Great description you have star potention EXCELLENT!
Laid in front of me was a twisting, broken, never ending path. As I entered lightning and thunder struck together in front of the murky and lifeless clouds. When I opened the tarnished gate malicious trees slowly reached out for me… but I made it past them, by ducking down and hastily running as quick as I could.
Shadows lingered over me whilst I couldn’t see anyone nor anything. Something tapped me on the back and I rapidly turned around.There was nothing there.Nothing.Just the tarnished gate.
Anxiously I walked towards the chilling castle. I entered it when seeing a warm fire glow and a chair rocking back and forth with nothing on it.This place is haunted called a voice, chills were running up and down me like a marathon.
A young girl screamed. Then there was silence. Something had dropped and the walls started to move in closer and closer and closer.
I screamed.
ARGH! HELP…!
To be continued…
Raees Choudhury (Jakia Chowdhury cousin)
Very interesting to read, wicked description I would steel a few words myself! Brilliant!!!!!!!
I think that books have had their day but are still modern as there are lots of brand new books in book shops but as much as I love books I have to admit I like playing Computer Games better!
Books have done their duty; in the past of course! I think computer games are much better even though books are still good!
I’m not even in your group – surely that deserves a sweet!
I think that books are not a thing of the past because look how much people have interested in book and for one reson i think book should still do their duty.
I think books have done there duty I still love reading them but I tend to read on the iPad were I can enjoy all my favorite books but also have all my apps so I would go half and half!
I think Kindles are very useful for travelling and holidays. They can hold so many books and the battery life is excellent. I don’t think the book is dead though. I still prefer the feel of a book and physically turning the pages, for me that will never change. I believe a book is about more than just the content.
Chris, Lucy’s Dad
Reading is linked to books for me. I grew up with them and the smell and feel of them is reading. You pick up a book and the weight makes it real. I just don’t think the Kindle has that. It is linked to computers.
I’d even take them on holiday. You could always pack less clothes!!
When we read the story ‘IT’S A BOOK’
made me think alot about the world and what technology really is and what it means these days. All because books don’t get mentioned as much as computers anymore and I want to know if books really matter or if people think that computers can give you more information! Young people these days use computers and don’t get much reading done but we could change that by making rules. Like in schools instead of going in the Computer Suite all the time we could use books such as: Dictionaries , Stories and Maps and only use computers if necccesary.
I personally think that when we do use a computer that if your teacher would normally let you have an 1 Hour computer time that they could reduce it to 30 minutes or 15 minutes!
Books VS Computer
I would have to say BOOKS!!!!! No way would i be able to live without my books i have absolutely tons of them on my book shelf. Yes i know computers can do lots of things but with out books i would not be able to survive. My mum has just started a new book with me that she reads to me every night, well if there is time!! It is called ‘Good night Mister Tom’ we have only just started it but it is amazing and i mean amazing. Books can never have there time. I even bet some of you who said computers and not books all secretly have some books at home!!!