On Wednesday you were evacuated to Beamish Home Farm. Imagine you are writing a letter home to your family in Benton. You might want to think about expressing your feelings and thoughts at these points.
- Being told you are being evacuated
-Your journey on the train
-Your arrival at Home Farm.
-Your experiences covering how you have settled in with your host family.
Dear Beloved Family,
The train journey was long and tiresome; I was in the train cabin with two girls and four boys. The teacher interviewed us, to ask how we felt.
When we got there we were met by one of the Land Army girl’s, Alex was her name. After the bus journey, me Alex and my group had to walk up this steep hill to our new home!
I have finally settled down in my new home, at Beamish Home Farm. I will be living with Mr. Jones the Farmer and the Land Army girls Susan, Rachel (and of course Alex).
This Morning I had to be up at 6:00am to clean the Chickens.
We worked all day till 8:00pm and then went straight to bed with a torch and some bread and jam. The windows in the barn were blacked out so the German’s don’t bomb us.
I have to go now because I have an early start in the morning,
I love and miss you so much Love from everyone xxxxx!
Amy, I think you really captured details about the life of an evacuee in your letter. Watch that you plan each paragraph and don’t just run out of steam. Your use of punctuation is excellent.
You really have to give yourself a push with the ‘middle towards end’ section of your writing Amy. Your opening paragraph is longer than the other three. Why?
Come on Amy! I know you have it in you to push yourself that extra mile. Your writing has really come on over the last few weeks
Once I had left I knew that I was going to be gone for a while. My daily life and routine was about to expire completely.The fears I faced were unbareble to face, yet I had no choice. The bombs in newcastle constantly fell like persistent raindrops and in the end we had no choice. Although Mam, I’d rather take my chance in the city with you.
The train journey was boring. I knew no-one and wanted to speak to no-one. looking out of the window all i saw was green grass. One field is pretty much like another. The smell of cow poo certainly came through the window too.
And then we pulled up to beamish home town. At first I thoght It was alright the town was full of sweet shops but unfortunatly there was no sweets in them and the black market was emty. When I pulled up at
dear mum and dad,
I am here in the county side and I hate it here it’s horrible and the farmer is strict but fair like dad when he was home and I want to come back home because I miss your lovely meatball’s. And the farmer is called Mr. Jones and the jobs are you don’t want to know what there like you have to clean out the cow’s and the pig’s the smell of poo is discussing and lots others but the time we have to go to bed at 8pm because we have to be up at 6am in the morning.
Calvin, I would love to read this more. I think you really captured what he difference between the town children and the country children must have been like – especially the animals. Unfortunately it is hard to read because all the punctuation seems to have been stolen – what difference might that have made? If you improve this your story will be much easier for a reader like me to understand.
Mrs Powley has told me all about your fantastic attitude to writing Calvin. Now get those basics in – capital letters and full stops please. Sort this and you’ll be flying
Dear Mum & Dad
I was astonished that I was being evacuated having to leave my home and family. I don’t know what to do with out my mum or dad beside me but lucky my best friend is coming with me.
I felt a little bit travel sick but my friend was there to comfort me. We saw lots of animal on our way.
We could not wait to get to home farm because we met a land army girl who was called Alex and we met some lovely animals. We also met a nasty man called Mr Jones he made us do loads of work.
I learn how to work with animals. At the end of the day we had a fantastic time at the farm.
Alex, you are off to a great start but you begin to run out of steam. Perhaps you need to plan each section a bit more to help you think about ideas?
Alex, I would have loved to have heard more about your journey to Home Farm and about your work with the animals.
You’re a talented writer, make sure you give your reader the information they want to hear.
Thanks but i will never change.It is just a boy thing not to like writing so i Will never change.
You’ve posted this on the wrong comment Calvin
But luckily I found it!
What a lot of nonsense! Calvin you are doing SO WELL! I am VERY, VERY PROUD of HOW FAR you have come this year. In Year 4, you used to groan every time I asked you to pick up a pencil (Remember?). Now look at you!
Give Mrs Powley and I a couple of months and we’ll have you begging to write a story – guaranteed promise!
Calvin
I too am a boy. And once when I was about your age I too dodn’t really like writing. But I changed and now I do like writing.
I started to like it when I started to really get into reading books. I realised that stories were amazing things that grew and changed as they went along. I really enjoyed them and I still do. I was about your age when I was first really able to read books. And with the progress you’ve made that will be you too.
Being able to read and write are incredibly important for life. They increase your chances of getting a good job!!
But mainly books are amazing. Stories change the world. I like writing. So does Roadl dahl, David Almond and many other male authors!! And some become rich and famous too!!
As does Roadl Dahl, David Almond
Dear Mum,
I am safe and sound here at Beamish home farm. I have made lots of friends and I am just getting settled in here. It is very hard to look after the pigs and chickens. But today the pig’s pooed all over the floor!
We have to wake up at 6am or else Mr. Jones goes off his rocker! In case you‘re wondering who Mr. Jones is, he is the grumpiest grump in the history of grumps.
But the best of all is I have made a lot of friends in the country side farm.
Lots of loves, hope you are okay.
Joseph
Great description of the grumpiest grumpster Mr Jones………but then you seem to have run out of steam………which is a shame as I think that you are really able to write well when you put your mind to it.
Totally agree with Miss Witherow – Joseph you have LOADS of potential – NOW PROVE IT!
Thank you for replying so nicely and believing that i have potential. But I believe that I could improve more.
Once I had left I knew that I was going to be gone for a while. My daily life and routine was about to expire completely. The fears I faced were unbearable to face, yet I had no choice. The bombs in Newcastle constantly fell like persistent raindrops and in the end we had no choice. Although Mum, I’d rather take my chance in the city with you.
The train journey was boring. I knew no-one and wanted to speak to no-one. Looking out of the window all I saw was green grass. One field is pretty much like another. The smell of cow poo certainly came through the window too.
And then we pulled up to beamish home town. At first I thought It was alright the town was full of sweet shops but unfortunately there was no sweets in them and the black market was empty. When I pulled up at the farm and got out of the bus the smell amused me a little bit, but it would take quite a while to get used to it.
Just as I was about to walk to the stairs we where told that we would have to walk up a big hill every day and It was about the size of mount Everest and doing that every day would nearly kill me at least that’s what I think.
When we got to the top of the hill we where greeted by this rather scary looking man, he had a typical farmers beard and huge boots and an old frilly hat.
He told us that we would have beds that where made out of hay and I was NOT impressed with that one bit! The room was dull and dark but of course we had to concentrate on the blackout but that made sense.
From brad and saira
PS Take care tell all the family I love them and keep safe. XXXXX.
You see I did read it on the blog site and it is just as good – especially the opening paragraph. Your use of repetition for effect is excellent and some really powerful words that describe the bombings in Newcastle – keep it up!
Are you sure that you both wrote the opening paragraph? Did you steal it from a book? No? Well, you fooled me!
Delight to see some of the writer techniques we identified in class are being used..
- effective opening sentence (lots of questions raised)
- repetition (I knew no-one and wanted to speak to no-one)
- descriptive words and phrases (persistent raindrops, typical farmer’s beard)
- Some elements of informality (although this could be improved)
- Contrast (smell and empty market)
Next steps –
Sustain this high quality writing throughout piece
Vary sentence length for effect.
Oh and when you are both published authors, please remember who your teacher was!
Mrs Eaton nobody will forget you remember that!
Dear Parents,
We arrived a few hours ago. We were delayed because the Germans bombed the line a few miles down; so we ordered a coach.
A long cold drive later we arrived at the village near the farm. We waited there for half an hour for Alex; a farm girl who lives there. She walked us up to Beamish Home Farm, where we would be staying until the war was over.
She led us up to the farmhouse, where we were greeted by farmer Jones, counting his money. He said he got all that cash from owning us, the more of us the more money he made. He also mentioned all the work we would be doing; feeding pigs, collecting eggs, shatter proofing the windows and making hay beds. You should have seen the look on Joseph’s face when she told us that. Firstly we shatter proofed the windows, then finish off the straw beds and finally we fed the huge, very smelly Albert the pig.
We miss you lots,
From Michael and Francis.
P.S The farmer is scary.
I love your use of repetition and your listing of examples Francis – excellent
Yes, I really liked this,
“…the more of us, the more money he made..
Have you both thought about your targets, to consider the expression of feelings, emotions, thoughts and opinions in your writing?
Read through and check. Any evidence of the above?
Thankyou for telling me this. I should have thought about it. Francis will know this to.
As you know I prefer maths.
So does Francis.
When me and Michael were writing this we were were only focussed on what we did at the farm. We forgot our targets while we were doing it.
Dear Mam,
After being told I was going to be an evacuee I’ve
finally got off the boring train ride and settled down with my new parents and in my new home at Beamish Home Farm. The train journey seemed ages. Anyway getting used to the smell and of course THE POO!!!!!!
I like the animals but I don’t like one of the cows at the moment because he had a very stinky poo and I had to clean it up but that’s not all the jobs we have, we collect eggs for the farmer, tidy the pigs home out, make beds out straw for them out of straw and stack the hay stack with hay and lots more its so tiring
I’m getting used to my new home there are three really kind girls in the land army who made the farm house nice and cozy and our so called father Mr. Jones. He’s mad at me because I didn’t bring his breakfast in time so I have to win back his trust.
I miss you lots hope your okay xxxxx
Love Lewis and Adam
P.S: Mr. Jones creeps me out.
Dear Lewis and Adam
I liked the description – I think you enjoy being able to write about animal poo. Be careful not to jump in time too quickly as you do in your opening sentence – told – journey – off the bus. This opening needs more explanation for your reader (me) to fully understand it. But great description
Hmmm, funnily enough, my two boys are the same! Made me laugh a little though. Just be careful not to overdo it
Your letter was lively, animated and informal. Great to see that you have considered your audience (parents).
Next step – Slow down a little boys. Think carefully about providing clear, descriptive explanations of events. This will satisfy your reader more.
P.S Mr Jones scared me a little too! Shhh – don’t tell
Its an exelent piece of writing. I also like the humor in some parts. Bye Bye
Dear Mother, Father and Charlie,
We are all homesick. Nearly everyone here at Home Farm is affected by it. But I suppose we’ll be ok. Life here is very different when you compare it to home. We have lots of animals to take care of. The list of jobs is endless. This is our typical day. We wake up at half five and do the jobs then we go down to the town and go to school, we don’t fit in very well at school, but you now we are going to have to live with it. After that we go back to Home Farm and finish of the long list of jobs. When we have finished we get a bit of bread and jam I know it’s not much but as you know were rationing. We have to sleep on a sack full of hay and straw it is quite comfy (but it gets very itchy!)
The train journey went on for ever it felt like it would not end! We met some really nice children but unfortunatly they went to a different place in Beamish. So year, that’s sad.
When we arrived not much happened, we unpacked, made our bed and got introduced to everyone including the animals. We are very down because the famer, Mr. Jones only wants us for the money not love. Well at least the land army girls are kind, they remind us of you.
We have settled in well and we hope we make some friends because we don’t know how long we are going to be here. Just in case we don’t see you again rember we both love you.
Love you lots and lots, hope we see you again because we would much rather be at home!!!!!!
Love Lucy and Jessica.
P.S it stinks here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Some great techniques girls. I love the way you opened the piece with lots of short sentences and then a really long sentence. Hooked me in!
Yippee – evidence of varied sentence length for effect! Well done!
Look back at your paragraphs. Do they flow?
Think carefully about organising and structuring your writing.
How could you have improved the overall structure so that it flowed well?
Thankyou for the avice Lucy and I will work on it .
Dear Mother
We just can not get my head around the fact that we have to leave you.We would rather stay with you it is just that we are safe and you are in danger.Sometimes we think you will be our late Mother and we will have no family anymore.We guess we all just have to move on for a while.Now lets talk about the train journey.
The journey was a bore.The countryside is nice however once you have seen one field you have seen all of them.We looked over to our right shoulders and everyone looked bewildered, looking at all the animal dirt. It’s just so very different but I guess we’ll get used to it.
Lovely vocabulary girls. Watch your pronouns – we and ours not we and my. Would love to have read more.
Agree.
You both tried so hard and spent a great deal of time over the first two paragraphs. Go with the flow a little more. Have confidence in your writing ability. You are both VERY capable writers!
Perhaps you could both have a go at finishing this entry at home or in ICT?
Dear family,
I was wondering why we had be separated, but I have just been told. I will miss you very much. If you hear the air raid siren please please go to the Anderson shelter it’s for your own good.
I’m just feeling a bit sickly but it’s warn of, it wasn’t that bad I suppose. It was quite cramped in the train and it was an awfully bumpy track. When the ride ended I was very pleased because it was making me so sick. Just before it ended there was a mean boy next to me and pushed me of the seat.
When we arrived the list of jobs was massive. We had not even had time to unpack. Then we met the land army girls. They are so kind but obviously not as kind as you though. Then when we all thought nothing worse could happen it did. The farmer came. His name is Mr. Jones and that’s what he had to be addressed by or else… First was cleaning the pigs and making there beds. Then my second job was taping the windows so that if the glass was to be broken it would come out in one piece rather than tiny pieces that go in your eyes, feet and skin.
We have settled in our new home with are real foster parents they are a bit strict but I suppose they have to be with 5 little orphans. Missing all of you loads. Hope that your alright. But after all I am safe hope you are to.
Love from Bethan and Zaynab
xxxxxxxx
As good as the paper one but more exciting! Rember to address the opening – seems a bit formal without “hello mum” or “Dear family”
Loved this..
‘Then when we all thought nothing worse could happen, it did. The farmer came…’
Great short sentence used for impact!
I would like to see you both explain events clearly. What were you told at the beginning? Why did you feel sick? Your statements could be a bit more explicit so that the reader is aware of what has happened/ what is going on.
Well done to you both for working co-operatively and diligently (as usual).
Dear Parents
I want to inform you that I have finally settled at Beamish Home Farm. We met Alex who is the land Army girl she showed us around the farm where we saw ducks, chickens, pigs and two massive horses but we were not allowed to on a ride with them. Alex introduced us to Rachael and Susan who are also land Army girl. Then my new family arrived we all had our lunch then we met the farmer which is the owner of the farm called Mr. Jones he doesn’t really take care of us all he cares about is if there are many people working there would be plenty money for him and he also uses us as his servant.
We had to be separated into two groups chicken and pigs it is disgusting because there is poo everywhere. In the chicken group we had to give the chicken’s water and the pigs group had to put hay in the pig’s house. I didn’t do any of the works because I am not use to getting my hands dirty.
We have to wake up at 6.00 in the morning. Sorry everybody we have got to go.
Lot of love from farzana and Aisha. Speak to you soon
Some lovely description but some sentence are too long so think about making the lengths different each time. This will help the flow of the work
Really enjoyed reading this girls. Brought back some lovely memories of our visit to Home Farm!
Just be careful to think about the purpose of the task. Your job was to write a letter imagining that you were an evacuee, however this reads more like a recount of your school trip at times.
thanks i will try and inprove on my work
Dear parents
I just want to inform you that I have settled just fine in the farm house and I have made friends with the pigs and they are called Henry and Biscuit. I hate falling a sleep because I have a dream about being evacuated and then I wake and then I realise that my dream was reel. But I like picking up the all eggs and help the farmer change the hay and the water. I still remember your voice but only briefly and you said I’m being evacuated and I knew as soon as I stood on that train I would be away for a long time. And for the hole trip I only thought of that.
The smell was pretty bad but I knew I had to get used to it and then I saw the farms house animals and then I met the land army girl’s and they converted me and showed me my bed and the stations I will be working at on the farm and please reply back to me
From Michael
Great explanation of how you (the character) is feeling. I like the additional detail of naming the pigs. Watch that your writing does not jump about too much – planning will help this
I loved this part …
‘I hate falling a sleep because I have a dream about being evacuated and then I wake and then I realise that my dream was real.’ This would have linked lovely to some expression of your feelings about being evacuated.
I have an idea. I’m going to copy this into a word document and cut up certain sections so that we can look at re-structuring it together. Remind me on Michael!
Dear Mother
We just can not get my head around the fact that we have to leave you.We would rather stay with you it is just that we are safe and you are in danger.Sometimes we think you will be our late Mother and we will have no family anymore.We guess we all just have to move on for a while.Now lets talk about the train journey.
The journey was a bore.The countryside is nice however once you have seen one field you have seen all of them.We looked over to our right shoulders and everyone looked bewildered, looking at all the animal dirt. It’s just so very different but I guess we’ll get used to it.
The farmer is mean and only cares about money and himself.We have to call him Mr.Jones.He makes us clean out the pigs and chickens and …BULLS! You should of seen James’s face as he heard what job he was given….he had to clean up the pig dirt!We always have to do what he says even if it means seeping on the beds made out of hay and straw with a old rag he calls a perfectly fine blanket.
The land army girl’s [Alex Susan & Rachel] only care about us however Mr.Jones only cares about the money that we make and the work that we do.
Well we are not going to complain as this has been a very exiting adventure.Hope to see you soon Love your soul crushed children
Jakia & Abigail
Well you soul crushed children here you are again – and I am so glad there was more – well done.
You’re back and finished! Super!
Thoughtful, heedful and sensitively written by two girls who possess the same lovely qualities in themselves. Well done!
Dear Mum,
As I was told I was being evacuated I thought, why is my mum sending me away? But then I learned that it was for the best. The woman who told us we would be evacuated said that we might have been bombed in the city.
The train ride was terrible because I had no-one to talk to and I did not want to talk to anyone. Halfway through the train came to a screeching halt, the reason? A goat was on the railway line! When we finally reached Beamish I was surprised at the fact they had sweet shops, it was like paradise! But then I learned it wasn’t all sweet shops and candy. It was hard work and sweat. This is a typical day here on the farm.
6.00 a.m – Wake up.
6.30 a.m –Breakfast (2 pieces of bread – no jam)
6.45 a.m-muck out pig sty
7.30 a.m-feed chickens
8-12am-mend fences
12-3pm-school
3-8pm –feed cows, milk cows, tidy up.
8pm-bedtime
So as you can see the farmer Mr Jones thinks there is no such thing as fun! I wish I was back at home. But I know I have to stay here for it is for my safety. I hope you are ok as with the rest of the family, leave my thoughts with them.
I will keep in touch, got to go, love from Damien
I like this a lot Damien. Great use of punctuation !!! But especially rhetorical questions? Wouldn’t it be great if all writer’s could do that?
‘Halfway through the train came to a screeching halt, the reason?..’ – What a pro you are!
Quite liked the timetable too. Suggests the busy, regimental routine of your day.
Well done you
Dear Mum and Dad,
We arrived safely last night. The journey yesterday was very long. At the start it was fun because we’ve never been on a train before and we all jumped when the horn went off. When we got there we made our own beds, they are just a sack full of straw. We have to share it with 8 other people!!! After that we collect chicken eggs and made a bed for a pig to sleep on
Then we had our lunch rationed a slice of bread with some butter and a cup of water. We got up at six in the morning and go to bed at eight o’clock!! Had to black out the windows our black out time was 5:35. I really miss having some one to play with like Stanley our cat, now I feel like I didn’t do enough back home, last night I herd a really loud bomb it was so loud the windows shuck and The country-side doesn’t feel any thing like home I even miss the carpet !!! I enjoyed the Train journey because of one reason we got a free drink and a bag of crisps.
We arrived at beamish home farm and got welcomed by Alex and two other land army girl’s they had a colossal pile of turnips and they had roosters, chickens, baby calves, pigs and horses as animals. I really enjoyed petting them and we were not aloud to stroke the horses because one of the horses kicked and they did not want us getting hurt and rushing into hospital. Last night I seen a plane crash into a tree it was quite funny because it made me jump out of bed and hide under the covers of the bed and I scared the animals on the farm.
I met my new host family they are very nice my host mother is called Margie and my host farther is called George and my host brother is called Harry. I know you were only trying to keep me safe!!! My new host mother bought me some new clothes some new shoes and a nice new bag you know how my old bag was dirty and sabotaged? But I recognized one thing I only got those things because they wanted me to feel welcomed in to the new family and that was a treat a one off .I was a bit terrified at first because I didn’t really know these people and you no how I’m not to keen on people that I don’t really know, I know this sounds stupid but I feel unloved because of one reason in particular there only being nice to me because they want me to feel welcomed
I love and miss you loads
Love Sian
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Sian – some of your best work – keep it up and well done
Lively, animated, conversational – you are the master of the informal Sian! I agree with Miss Witherow, best piece of writing yet! If only she had seen your edited copy.. I may just slip a copy onto her desk. Miles better!
But and there is a big BUT. Structure is still an issue. I’m going to do the same with yours as Michael’s. Chop up the sentences and re-structure them together so that it flows better. Sound good?
I showed matty the dancing from play and he was laughing at the way that we were all so good